No. 67 Avoidant attachment, shutting down + letting people in
When you lean anxious in attachment, even tiny shifts in someone’s tone, timing, or energy can feel like an alarm bell. One “I’m just tired” text can send you spiraling into worst-case scenarios, rereading conversations for clues, and bracing for rejection that isn’t actually happening. It’s exhausting — and it can feel impossible to tell the difference between intuition and anxiety.
In this episode, we talk about:
Why anxious attachment interprets neutral cues as rejection
How hyperactivation leads to spiraling, overanalysis, and searching for reassurance
The difference between external regulation and true emotional self-support
Why even honest reassurance from a partner often doesn’t “stick”
How to respond when your system floods — even if something is actually wrong
Rebuilding internal stability so your sense of safety isn’t dependent on someone else’s mood
Naming your needs directly instead of protesting, clinging, or guessing
How self-worth, history, and past relational wounds shape your reactions today
You don’t need to abandon your needs to stop spiraling — you just need to learn how to hold them yourself. And from that place, closeness becomes something you can trust, not chase.
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Disclaimer: Everything posted here is for educational or entertainment purposes only and is not a replacement for individualized medical or mental health treatment. Please reach out to a professional therapist or doctor if you are in need of assistance. Listener questions may be specific to one individuals life or an amalgamation of common experiences and dilemmas.
Listen to full episode :
Your prescription for living well, dose for this week: Avoidant attachment creates deactivating strategies—like shutting down, changing topics, wondering if the grass is greener with another person or mentally fleeing—when closeness feels overwhelming or unsafe. Healing requires building inner emotional capacity, staying present 1% longer, and gradually learning to tolerate intimacy without losing autonomy. The goal isn’t to erase the need for space, but to distinguish healthy solitude from fear-based escape so you can access the genuine closeness you actually want. 🪷
EPISODE RESOURCES:
Episode with Remy Ramirez coming soon … ✨
Ep 63 Understanding your attachment style & fear of intimacy
